Ah, teenagers. Those mysterious, sleep-deprived creatures who inhabit our homes, eat all our food, and possess the uncanny ability to hear the sound of a potato chip bag opening from three rooms away—but somehow go deaf the moment we ask them to take out the trash.
I swear, my kids have developed a sixth sense that allows them to filter out anything that sounds remotely like a request, chore, or general parental wisdom. “Hey, can you put your laundry in the basket instead of decorating your floor with it?” Silence. “Please turn down your music before the neighbors start filing noise complaints.” Nothing. “Dinner’s ready!” Instant response. They materialize in the kitchen faster than the Wi-Fi can load their TikTok feed.
Honestly, I think scientists should study this phenomenon. How is it that they can remember obscure video game facts but can’t recall the simple rule about not leaving wet towels on the bed? They claim they “didn’t hear me,” yet when I whisper, “I might order pizza later,” they suddenly have superhuman hearing.
And don’t even get me started on eye rolls. I could power my house for a year if I could convert teenage eye-roll energy into electricity.
But despite the selective hearing and the sighs that could fuel a wind turbine, I know this phase won’t last forever. One day, they’ll be adults, and I’ll probably miss these chaotic, frustrating, and hilarious moments. Until then, I’ll just keep talking—to myself, apparently.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to test a theory by whispering, “Who wants Starbucks?” Let’s see how fast they respond.