As I said in my previous post, I would like to post a copy of the completed eulogy I wrote for the funeral service after my Mam's sad passing last month.
On this, the last day of the final year of my Mam's life, I decided I must act quickly, so my posts in 2025 can start new, fresh and optimistic as it should be in the glowing infancy of a brand new year.
I won't spend time on my usual lengthy preamble and there will be no reflection or summing up after. I will simply post the heartfelt words that were so terribly difficult to write, safe in the knowledge that they will be recorded here for posterity as the blockchain never forgets.
A Eulogy For My Mam Ann, Loved and Missed Forever, Never Forgotten.
Ann was born to Martha and Christopher on the 25th February 1953, the eldest of 4 surviving children. Her brothers Frankie and Johnny visited, and more importantly, laughed with Ann, frequently, right up to her last day among us. Despite the sad circumstances, that sibling bond was reconfirmed and made stronger than ever, the memories of these times will in future, I am sure, provide great comfort as they did to Ann over her final year.
Sadly her beloved sister Christine was taken far too soon, Ann was always quite emotional whenever she spoke about her and felt the loss profoundly after Christine's sad passing in 2017.
Ann was raised in a home where love and affection was shown most often through humour and the good natured sport of gentle teasing, kudos was offered up to those with the greatest comebacks. Ann herself carried this forward to a new generation when she later became a mother to her 3 boys, Steven Darren and Kevin.
Ann often talked about being an Ayresome Angel when she was a girl, she still knew all the old songs and chants that would ring out as the backdrop to the footballing action on the pitch, whenever the mighty Boro would run out at their beloved home ground, Ayresome Park.
Ann often reminisced about the teasing schoolboys grabbing and running off with her cap as she got off the school bus, but stories of Ann and boys can be told another day, alongside tales of her and Christine climbing out of the window to go to parties they had been forbidden from going to. Ann's anecdotes from the 60's were always very colourful and demonstrated a real love of, and joy for life.
As Ann grew and blossomed into a young woman, she gave birth to her first son, Steven and soon after she met, married and set up home with Eddie. In the coming years, they were blessed with two further sons, Darren and Kevin, on more than one occasion she joked that she would swap Steven for his partner, Terry, as she had always wanted a daughter.
Ann, Eddie and their young sons spent time together on holidays in Blackpool, and enjoyed long summers at the families caravan at Crimdon Dene holiday park. Ann was determined to have the best garden of all of those on 'Clifftop View', come rain, shine, or in the early season, snow, she would put on her 'big coat' and spend hours potting, planting, cutting and pruning. She and the boys would carry out missions to 'liberate' dolomite stone from a nearby building site, to landscape the garden area. It looked amazing but honestly did not make up for the need to pee in a bucket, thankfully their next caravan had a bathroom.
Ann rocked what was at times, an enormous, 80's perm, but was always ready to be, as she would say, 'done up to the nines' for a night out. She liked to party like no one else around, but never quite worked out when the party was over, this was not just reminiscent of her younger years, she was EXACTLY the same when she had a huge party for her 70th birthday last year, dressed in leather trousers, kickass boots, and a 'take no prisoners' attitude, no doubt concealing a bottle in her handbag.
Ann was 'well blessed', with her 3 sons, Steven would sing along to the latest hits in the mirror, utterly convinced he was going to be the next big popstar. Darren, would strip naked, shimmy up the washing post when he wasn't jumping through glass coffee tables, clearly an exhibitionist in the making and Kevin who would tow around Grandad Chris's old crash helmet on a bit of old rope, filled with broken toy cars, old batteries and pebbles he had collected.
As the boys grew and started families of their own, Ann's world expanded to include grandchildren. Steven and Terry brought 2 beautiful granddaughters, Jade and Charlotte into Ann's life, Ann seemed determined to teach them many life lessons, as long as they were entirely inappropriate and revelled in the horrified expressions on both parents faces, when she told the girls they should marry a rich man, ideally one who was much older, for obvious reasons.
When Darren met Joel, the family swelled even further when Summer and Roman appeared and proved that sharing blood is no prerequisite to deep love or necessary for the warmest hugs to be shared freely.
Kevin and Emily added to the family number with grandson Jax, who turned one, just last week, he will, I am sure, be brought up with stories of his Nannie Ann, or at least the ones suitable for one of such tender years, others can come later. Ann kept threatening to take Jax into town to have his ears pierced, get him a tattoo and introduce him to McDonalds chicken nuggets, none who knew her would bet against it happening.
When Summer brought Azaylia into the world, a whole new chapter began, one that should have included many more warm hugs and the retort, 'I love you more', so many times more.
Her nephews, Andrew, William, Paul and Christopher and nieces Amy and Laura will think back on Ann fondly and remember with a grin, the mischief in her eyes, when she would tell them how to handle life's many and varied situations in her own irreverent way.
Amy became incredibly important to Ann in her later years, she demonstrated enormous love, care and compassion toward her, this was hugely appreciated by Ann and it served as a cherished connection to her beloved late sister Christine, Amy's Mum.
Ann often worked several jobs at a time, sometimes, finishing a night shift, then heading off to her next job. Although she had many roles throughout the years, PA, barmaid, store assistant, domestic, ward hostess, it was her role as a carer, working with the elderly, that brought her the most satisfaction and meaning.
Those who knew Ann well, can attest to the fact that she often seemed 'hard faced', yet she could be overwhelmed with emotion and a flood of tears without warning. This was most often witnessed when talking about the residents she cared for. She would treat them with a genuine respect for who they had been in their earlier life and afforded them the utmost dignity in their latter years. She would fight for and advocate for them to have a sherry, beer, cigarette, or whatever made them happiest, telling anyone who would offer up an argument, that they were 'well over 18', and were perfectly capable of deciding what they did or didn't want, regardless of whether or not it was good for them.
She would often take thoughtful gifts in for those she became fond of, a framed picture of Tony Curtis, word search puzzles, or simply a postcard from a seaside resort that provoked happy memories, to the outsider it would appear a seemingly insignificant, small gesture, but to the recipient they were no doubt cause for a little extra sunshine in their day, happily and gratefully received.
However... If you ever needed validation of the deep emotional capacity within Ann, you only needed to be present when there were children singing, She would be a blubbering mess before they reached the first chorus. She would then offer up a scathing quip, recompose herself and move on, hoping you hadn't glimpsed the huge well of love, compassion and ability to be deeply moved beneath the manufactured, protective, spiky exterior. On more than one occasion, Jade, and later, Charlotte looked out to the audience during a school assembly only to be greeted by the wailing woman of Middlesbrough, dabbing frantically at her streaming eyes and smudged mascara.
Ann's early years were shaped by some formidable matriarchs in the form of her wonderfully warm, loved by everyone she met, mother, Martha, her indomitable auntie Margaret and fun loving auntie Nellie, they were nobodies fools, sure of their own mind and each armed with scathing quick wit. This influence accompanied by a strong father Chris, equipped Ann well to face the world.
Ann lost her Dad Chris in 1982 and it changed her in a way that only profound grief and loss can, she seemed surprised and blindsided by the fact that she was more like her dad than she had previously realised. When her mother Martha died in 2008, Ann and the entire family were heartbroken and it became apparent that life would never be the same again. Saturdays at Martha's, when the entire family would gather together, were relegated to the past.
Ann was often seen accompanied by at least one dog, oftentimes, several. Whether they were in her bed, beside her on the sofa or smuggled into her workplace, they were ever present. They would be spotted peeking out from her handbag or inside her coat, or simply keeping her company while she indulged her passion for gardening. She complained constantly that they were pains but loved them so very much and would have had it no other way. They were undoubtedly her second generation of children, they all knew she was 'Mammy' and they pined whenever she left the room and were incredibly vocal, yapping in a high pitched cacophony, if she ever dared leave the house without them.
It seemed that the dogs came into Ann's life as a cure for her serious travel bug. She discovered a love of foreign shores, bright sunshine and beachfront bars and restaurants. There were many family coach trips to Spain, which ridiculously, took 30 hours to reach their destination. Later, after sadly divorcing from Eddie, she discovered a love of aeroplanes and quickly realised they could take her to the sun in a few short hours. It was in this new phase of her life, her boys all grown up, that she discovered her real happy place, when she fell head over heels in love with the beautiful scenery, culture and laid back pace of life in Turkey.
Ann travelled back and forth so many times, her family sometimes wondered if her British passport would be revoked. On one of her many trips to the country, she decided to explore her entrepreneurial side. Several hours in a customs interrogation room and a multitude of confiscated cigarettes revealed the gaping flaws in her business plan and the cash flow projections didn't quite stack up in the way she had hoped.
She later admitted that she was too honest and her face had given her away and she wasn't capable of being deceitful. With hindsight, that's probably not the worst self reflection a person can have.
After suffering a stroke in January this year, life sadly changed significantly for Ann. She was left completely immobile and confined to her bed as attempts at rehabilitation proved unfruitful. The biggest worry for those around her was that she would be overcome with depression and despair, as so often happens with those suffering such a catastrophic change.
Thankfully and somewhat surprisingly, this was not the road that stretched out ahead of her. Ann became happier, more positive and optimistic and filled with gratitude for small joys and simple acts of service. She appreciated small gifts and activities that family and friends offered up to make life more fun and meaningful. She revelled in simple things such as a particular song, tv show or food, especially chocolate! She named the evenings spent completing crossword puzzles, and playing a few songs on YouTube alongside a few snacks as family fun nights and really seemed to enjoy them.
One thing that was obvious to all, was that the stroke had turned Ann's sense of humour up to gale force 10, the comebacks were so witty and delivered at such pace, that it often took people a few seconds to realise they had just been very badly burned. She would berate Terry's boss David over the phone and demand that he give Terry a day off so she had time to bake Ann a batch of cheese scones.
She also told David that she was going to come and work in the store and sort the place out, as long as it was made accessible for her. She demonstrated the customer service skills she would employ when dealing with a customer who had chosen the wrong colour paint. Needless to say, the customer would not have returned after Ann pointed out their idiocy, with some extremely inventive profanity, they thoughtfully created a staff name badge for her, stating Ann Crook, 'senior sales assistant', and ordered her a Crown paints uniform.
She would often criticise the quality of the tissues that Frankie bought for her, even if they were Kleenex. She would tell anyone who would listen that all Johnny ever eats is pasta. She would say that Kevin has sausage fingers and if you had been to Tenerife, Darren had been to Elevenerife. She was very funny.
When Ann was staying in Redcar hospital stroke rehabilitation ward, the staff would take residents to the dining room for mealtimes, ensuring they could meet the other patients and strike up friendships or simply indulge in conversation, rather than be stuck in their room all day. Each day they let one of the patients choose the music that would play as they ate and chatted. One of the team shared a story with us that summed up Ann perfectly.
Most of the people on the ward were older and thus the choices were quite predictable, a little Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby, they even had the choice of ABBA one day. When it came to Ann's choice, she requested 90's bangers, club classics.
One of the rehab team was heard to exclaim in exasperation;
"If anybody is wondering, Ann chose the music for today!"
Nobody who knew her was surprised.
When it became clear that rehabilitation was not going to have the desired effect, Ann became a resident in St Peters Court care home. Full disclosure, the family had some trepidation about this, and it wasn't all plain sailing but Ann bonded with the staff there immediately. She had worked in care for many years herself and adjudged it to be a good home with great staff and she was very complimentary about the food, which was HUGELY important to her.
Ann had a profound joy for life and sense of fun even after the traumas she had endured in the year to date and this infectious spirit had a ripple effect on those she came into contact with. Many caring for her became incredibly close to her and she proved that meaningful friendships could be formed in the most unlikely circumstances.
Dawn and Tracey, 2 of Ann's favourite carers, were dubbed the Chuckle Brothers by Ann. The songs she created about them and 'other' names she gave them were a little less PG though.
She would praise Kath and Anne Marie for always tucking her up cosily at night and ensuring she had a hot drink and snack before she went to sleep. Sheila, Chloe and Megan would do a fabulous job of keeping the family informed of any changes in Ann's mood, health or general wellbeing, this was a great comfort. There are many more staff who were loved by Ann and appreciated by the family, but it would take too long to single them all out for the great praise they deserve. So the family would simply like to say, thank you for your care.
Ann learned a vast array of new swear words in order to more articulate her pain and discomfort when being repositioned or hoisted from her bed. Particularly creative and entertaining to all or maybe 'most', in the vicinity was her discovery that hyphenating 2 existing swear words had a greater effect. I'm sure it goes without saying that none of these new words can be shared here today and sadly will not be featured in the 2025 Oxford English dictionary.
She rapidly set about signing up all the staff for her planned Benidorm extravaganza, as she had enjoyed the TV show so much, she decided she would like to go and see how much fun was to be had there and no doubt, test just how much mischief she could create.
We didn't have the heart to tell the invitees that everybody in James Cook and also Redcar hospital had already been invited. By the time Ann was admitted to James Cook again at the turn of October with pneumonia, dozens more staff were press ganged in to joining. It became apparent we would need at least 5 planes and a lot of hotels to accommodate them all.
We did warn the carers, cleaners, kitchen staff, doctors and consultants we met along the way that Ann would end up getting them all locked up in a Spanish jail, but as they got to know her and how much fun she exuded, the almost certain, ensuing trouble seemed a price worth paying.
Ann had started talking about plans for Christmas already, had watched her first Christmas movie and the Benidorm Christmas special several times. We had discussed decorating her room at St Peters, she was aiming for a tree to rival Trafalgar Square, it was destined to be a logistical nightmare.
She loved Christmas, the lights, the tree, the snuggling up and watching a movie with the dogs and a duvet.
Although she did say just the other week that "those people in the movies make you sick, they always have a clean house, hair and makeup done, and never burn the turkey, it's just not real life."
As that particular season approaches, many here today will shed more than a few tears over that period, but Ann would implore you to laugh, love and have a drink (or maybe 5) on her behalf, as she will be present and she will be making sure fun is had, not just for Christmas but throughout the years to come.
The fun and levity shown in the words used to sum up Ann's life and her enduring, unstoppable spirit have been on the whole deliberately fun, humorous and filled with light as this is the best way to sum up the much loved and cherished lady we are gathered here to celebrate and say, 'See ya later', to today.
So, one last time we get to say to Ann.
No! We love YOU more.